


Help Us All, Angel Made a Group Chat

by Iamacarrot



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor Is New To These New Fangled Machines Called Phones, And Has Probably Been Done Before, Angel Dust Being Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Is Concerned At Least 67 Percent Of The Time, F/F, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Husk Being Husk (Hazbin Hotel), M/M, Niffty Doin' A Confuse, This Is STUPID, Vaggie Is Done With Everyone, With His Fluffy Whore Self, but oh well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 13,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25720846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamacarrot/pseuds/Iamacarrot
Summary: The title should explain a lot.
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Comments: 118
Kudos: 496





	1. It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> Name Bank:
> 
> Angel Dust - Fluffy Whore
> 
> Niffty - Peach Cobbler
> 
> Charlie - And They Were Roommates
> 
> Vaggie - OMG They Were Roommates
> 
> Alastor - Old Man Rotary Phone
> 
> Husk - Drunken Sailor

**Fluffy Whore** : Check it out fuckers! I made a group chat!

**Drunken Sailor** : DAMN IT!

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Angel, why?

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Why do you do the things you do?

**Fluffy Whore** : Because I can.

**And They Were Roommates** : I think this is great! Now we can all use this group chat to talk to each other when we're feeling down! Good thinking Angel!

**Fluffy Whore** : Not my intent, but okay.

**Fluffy Whore** : Whoop, hold on! I gotta disappear real quick.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Why?

**Fluffy Whore** : Al is pretty much chasin' his tail trying to find out where the notification sound is coming from.

**Fluffy Whore** : I reverse pickpocketed him and put his new phone in his butt pocket.

**Fluffy** **Whore** : Another reason why I love my boyfriend.

**And They Were Roommates** : *Everyone Liked That*

**Drunken Sailor** : I sure didn't. It's gross.

**Fluffy Whore** : You just say that because you ain't the one getting all my fluffy chest fur every night. ;3

**Drunken Sailor** : Never make that face again.

**Peach Cobbler** : Angel! Tell Alastor to stop running into things! He's knocking over everything and I don't want to keep picking them up every 5 seconds!

**Fluffy Whore** : Alright, fine!

**Fluffy Whore** : TTYL, fuckers!

**Drunken Sailor** : Die in a hole.

**And They Were Roommates** : Husk! Be nice!

**OMG They Were Roommates** : I agree with him.

**And They Were Roommates** : You would.

**Peach Cobbler** : Can someone please just help me pick up the heavy shelves?

**Peach Cobbler** : I will murder someone if the hotel is like this when you go to bed.

**And They Were Roommates** : O.o

**OMG They Were Roommates** : o.O

**Drunken Sailor** : If only you were like this every day...


	2. Old Man Rotary Phone

**And They Were Roommates** : Hey, has anyone seen Angel and Alastor around lately?

**Drunken** **Sailor** : Last time I saw them they were makin' out at the bar two days ago.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : First of all, gross.

**OMG They Were** **Roommates** : Secondly, I saw them two days ago too. They were sitting in front of the fireplace eating gumbo.

**And They Were Roommates** : Niffty? What about you?

**Peach Cobbler** : I haven't been in either of their rooms lately, but they could be up there.

**Peach Cobbler** : I'm surprised Angel isn't responding to the group text, tho.

**Drunken Sailor** : Oh yeah! I forgot that asshole could see these convos too.

**Fluffy** **Whore** : Hey! Don't talk about me like that unless you plan on making it worthwhile!

**And They Were** **Roommates** : Angel! There you are! Where have you and Al been?

**Fluffy Whore** : We've been up in Al's room for the past two days.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Doing what?

**Fluffy Whore** : You... don't wanna know.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : If it involves you two being in bed together, you're probably right.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel? Am I using this contraption correctly?

**Drunken Sailor** : Holy shit! You got the old man to use a phone?!

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : I am not that old!

**Fluffy Whore** : Oh, baby...

**Fluffy Whore** : You really are.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : I do not see the point in you texting me when we are right next to each other. It is fruitless and frankly very rude.

**Drunken Sailor** : Jeez Al, you tryna write a whole paragraph or smthn?

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : What? What does "smthn" mean?

**Fluffy Whore** : It means something, babe.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Well it obviously means something. But what does it mean?

**OMG They Were Roommates** : This. Is the best thing. I have ever seen.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : I have to show this to everyone I know and then some.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Who just replied to me? Why do you have to use such ridiculous names?

**Fluffy Whore** : Because it's fun, babe.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : I see nothing fun about this.

**Fluffy Whore** : That's because you're old and out of touch, sweetheart.

**Fluffy Whore** : It's okay, we'll get through this together.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Okay I'm done with this.

**Fluffy Whore** : NO! I'M SORRY! COME BACK, MY LOVE!

**Peach Cobbler** : Alastor is with you, isn't he?

**Fluffy Whore** : Yea.

**Fluffy Whore** : He's got his face buried in my chest fluff like the overgrown child he is.

**And They Were Roommates** : Then why did you text scream?

**Fluffy Whore** : Dramatic effect.

**Drunken Sailor** : Have I ever called you both stupid and genius at the same time?

**Fluffy Whore** : No?

**Drunken Sailor** : Good. Because you're just stupid.


	3. Sandwiches, Smoothies, and CoolSnakeBro22

**Fluffy Whore** : Ketchup is technically a smoothie.

**Drunken Sailor** : What?

**Fluffy Whore** : Ketchup. Is. A. Smoothie.

**Fluffy Whore** : And hot dogs are sandwiches.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Mon cher, please do not do this to them. I thought I made my point perfectly clear!

**Fluffy Whore** : You did

**Fluffy Whore** : But I wanted to drag everyone else into this as well

**Fluffy Whore** : Just for shits and giggles

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Your grammar is abysmal.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Old Man Alert! Old man Alert!

**Old Man Rotary** **Phone** : Stop calling me old! I am not old!

**Fluffy Whore** : Seriously babe? Did I not kiss you long enough to make you realize that you're old?

**Drunken Sailor** : Gross.

**CoolSnakeBro22** : I agree with the drunkard!

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Who the fuck is that???

**CoolSnakeBro22** : You shall never find out! I will forever remain a mysterious figure!

**Fluffy Whore** : Bro, is this Pentious?

**CoolSnakeBro22** : NO! I don't even know who that is! Though he does sound like a very handsome fellow.

**Fluffy Whore** : Yep, that's totally Pentious

**Fluffy Whore** : How did you get into this chat room?

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Secrets shall never be told.

**Fluffy Whore** : A'ight, then we'll just chase you out.

**Drunken Sailor** : How tf are we gonna do that?

**OMG They Were Roommates** : ^ ^

**Fluffy Whore** : Easy!

**Fluffy Whore** : Pentious, are hot dogs sandwiches?

**CoolSnakeBro22** : What? No! What kind of question is that?

**Fluffy Whore** : Nah man, hear me out!

**Fluffy Whore** : Hot dogs are nothing more than meat in between a slice of bread. You can add all sorts of condiments, and you can carry hot dogs around with you while you eat!

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Why does any of that matter? Just because it has those attributes doesn't mean it's a sandwich.

**Fluffy Whore** : Then what do YOU call them?

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Hot dogs...

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Thank you!

**Fluffy Whore** : Fine. Then riddle me this: Is ketchup a smoothie?

**CoolSnakeBro22** : No, it's a condiment.

**Fluffy** **Whore** : Duh, but it's made out of a blended fruit, so that makes it a smoothie.

**Peach Cobbler** : To be fair, ketchup has a bunch of added preservatives.

**Fluffy Whore** : Niffty, please. I was just about to convince the old men that I'm right.

**CoolSnakeBro22** : I AM NOT OLD!

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Neither am I!

**OMG They Were** **Roommates** : Al, snake guy, why did the chicken cross the road?

**CoolSnakeBro22** : To get to the other side. Duh. Everyone knows that.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : No, she crossed the road to get to the old men's house.

**Fluffy Whore** : Al, Pentious; Knock-knock.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Who is present?

**Drunken Sailor** : The chicken.

**CoolSnakeBro22** : That's it! I'm leaving!

**Fluffy Whore** : Yes!

**CoolSnakeBro22** : But let it be known that I will be returning to your pathetic hotel with a new weapon that not even Alastor can destroy!

**Fluffy Whore** : That was a dumb thing to do.

**CollSnakeBro22** : What?

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Tell us what you're going to do.

**Drunken Sailor** : Now we can just have Al send his shadow demons to stop ya, so...

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Shit.


	4. Kids

**Fluffy Whore** : Baby, I want a baby.

**Drunken Sailor** : Wtf?

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Are you fucking drunk?

**And They Were Roommates** : Angel Dust, children are a big responsibility.

**Fluffy Whore** : I'll answer your questions in order.

**Fluffy Whore** : I said what I said.

**Fluffy Whore** : No, I'm not drunk.

**Fluffy Whore** : Yes, I realize that children are a big responsibility.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel Dust, this is the last time I will tell you that no means no! I am running a hotel, not a daycare! Besides, neither of us is capable of getting pregnant. Even if we were, you know how I feel about sex.

**Fluffy Whore** : Yes, babe, I know. But this is Hell! We wouldn't even have to do that! There are probably plenty of spells or whatever to help us get children!

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : My answer. Is still. No.

**Fluffy Whore** : D':}

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Your phone faces will do nothing to me. I am immune to such juvenile antics.

**Fluffy Whore** : >:c

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Still nothing.

**Fluffy Whore** : {:'(

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Still no.

**Fluffy Whore** : Fine! Then you get no more fluffy cuddles or anything similar from me until further notice!

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Oh please, you do not mean that.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Oh, trust me, he does.

**And They Were Roommates** : You wouldn't believe how serious he gets when he's upset.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Hmm, that sounds childish enough as is. Besides, I'm sure I can do perfectly fine without your cuddles.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : And hugs.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : And kisses.

**Drunken Sailor** : Mhm. Go on.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : You certainly sound very convincing.

**Fluffy Whore** : It sounds like you suddenly have much more self control when it comes to touching me than you used to.

**Fluffy Whore** : Good for you!

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Oh goddamn it! How dare you use such measures to get what you want?!

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Fine! We can have a child, but only one! No more!

**Drunken Sailor** : Soooo get ready to have 3 nieces and/or nephews.

**Drunken Sailor** : Got it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only thing more powerful than Al is Angel's fluffy cuddles and sweet kisses. It's just the law of the universe.


	5. Faccs

**Fluffy Whore** : Jumping Spiders are capable of jumping 50x their size.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Moths are drawn to light because it's easy to see and very mesmerizing.

**Drunken Sailor** : Cats have little spikes on their tongues called papillae that help to grip and pull out dead fur during grooming.

**Peach Cobbler** : Cyclops' usually get really tall.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Deer typically make sounds similar to screams.

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Certain types of Cobras are capable of projectile shooting venom into enemies' eyes to keep themselves safe.

**And They Were Roommates** : What the fuck is going on?

**Peach Cobbler** : Angel stated a random fact about his species, so I wanted to add on.

**Drunken Sailor** : Same here.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Pretty sure we all just decided to do that.

**And They Were Roommates** : And Pentious? Why are YOU here?

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Because I want to feel included.

**Home Depot** : That's pretty fuckin stupid.

**Home Depot** : You're constantly trying to take over my turf, and the only thing you can think of doing is invading the privacy of people you hate?

**Drunken Sailor** : Angel, who the fuck is that????

**Fluffy Whore** : Calm down! It's just Cherri Bomb.

**And They Were Roommates** : Oh! Hello Cherri! Have you considered my invitation to join the hotel family?

**Home Depot** : Yep! And my answer is still no!

**And They Were Roommates** : {:(

**Fluffy Whore** : Hey, don't be sad, Charlie. Cherri isn't one to be taken away from blowing stuff up. Ain't that right, Sugar Tits?

**Home Depot** : Hell yeah!

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Well then, how will you feel when your whore of a best friend gets sent up to Heaven?

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Oh! That's right! He never will!

**CoolSnakeBro22** : To think that any god would take in a selfish sinner like Angel Dust is absolutely hilarious!

**Peach Cobbler** : Hey! Don't you dare say that about my friend! Angel Dust may be a sinner, but he's getting better!

**Drunken Sailor** : As much as I hate to admit it, I gotta agree with Niffty! There ain't no one more determined and loyal than Angel! So what if he has his moments? It's not like Rome was built in a day or whatever!

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Exactly! And sure I give him a hard time, but that's only because I know that he can do better! Angel Dust isn't just some poster child to us, he's our friend! We took him in when no one truly wanted him and when no one was willing to take him in for nothing more than sex!

**And They Were Roommates** : I don't care who you think you are or how much power you think you have! I don't EVER want to see or hear you talking that way about the inhabitants of this hotel again!

**Home Depot** : And if I ever see your ugly mug near Angel again, I won't hesitate to rip you in half without the banter!

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Ugh, whatever! You're all wasting your time on a lost cause!

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Don't feel so sad when none of this stupid shit works!

**CoolSnakeBro22** : Goodbye, losers!

**Home Depot** : That's it, I'm gonna kill him.

**And They Were Roommates** : No! He isn't worth the trouble, Cherri.

**And They Were Roommates** : Besides, our main priority right now is to make sure Angel Dust is okay.

**Peach Cobbler** : Angel? Are you alright?

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Do not worry, Niffty dear. Angel Dust is doing okay. He is crying, but has assured me that they are tears of joy.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : I am refusing to allow him to text in this state of mind.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : The poor soul needs rest, comfort, and undivided attention for the rest of his afterlife.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Only the perfect treatment for the most perfect angel.

**And They Were Roommates** : AAAAWWW!

**Drunken Sailor** : Gross.

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Alright, that's enough drama for one day. Tell Angel that I hope he feels loved and accepted and all that jazz.

**Peach Cobbler** : Tell him to prepare for the biggest hug and dinner of his life when he feels better!

**Drunken Sailor** : Tell him I said that he isn't as much of a pain as I say he is.

**Home Depot** : Tell him I said he's the best bitch!

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : I will make certain to tell him all of this. To an extent.

**Home Depot** : Booooooo!

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Is there anything you would like to say to him, Charlie?

**And They Were Roommates** : Tell Angel that we're all incredibly proud of him and will always care about him no matter what. That we would all travel to the moon and back to make sure he gets everything good in the world that he deserves.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : I couldn't have worded it better myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out with a bit more Hurt/Comfort than I originally intended.


	6. Like Children, They Are

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel, stop ignoring me.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel, stop ignoring me.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel, stop ignoring me.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel, stop ignoring me.

 **Drunken Sailor** : You guys, this might be a hunch, but I think Angel is ignoring Alastor.

 **Home Depot** : Oh really? We hadn't noticed.

 **OMG They Were Roommates** : Dear fuck, this is just sad.

 **Peach Cobbler** : Are we sure Al isn't just sick?

 **And They Were Roommates** : Will you cut it out? Making fun of someone for being upset goes against everything this hotel stands for!

 **Fluffy Whore** : C'mon Charlie! Making fun of others is the best!

 **Little Big Brother** : Can't argue with that.

 **Home Depot** : Bitch, who tf is that?

 **Fluffy** **Whore** : No one important. Get outta here, you.

 **Little Big Brother** : I hope you die in a hole.

 **Fluffy Whore** : Yeah, yeah; I love ya too. Now GO.

 **Little Big Brother** : Whatever.

 **Home Depot** : Are they gone?

 **Fluffy Whore** : Yea.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel Dust! I demand you to tell me why you've been refusing to acknowledge my existence!

 **Fluffy Whore** : So Charlie, what's on the agenda today?

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : ANGEL!

 **Drunken Sailor** : I love this so much.

 **OMG They Were Roommates** : You and me both, pal.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel! Acknowledge me!

 **Home Depot** : Hey Angie, how's Fat Nuggets doin'?

 **Fluffy Whore** : He's doing great! As fat and nugget-y as always!

 **Fluffy Whore** : But seriously Charlie, what's on for today? I'm bored.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : You wouldn't be if you talked to me!

 **Fluffy** **Whore** : If only there was someone else here I could talk to.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : ANGEL!

 **Home Depot** : What, are we not enough for you?

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel! Please!

 **And They Were Roommates** : Angel, will you just acknowledge your boyfriend?

 **Fluffy Whore** : Oh, fine.

 **Fluffy Whore** : Yes, Al?

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Come to my room and talk to me!

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : And let me touch your chest fluff.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : And hug me.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : I miss you.

 **Fluffy Whore** : Alright, fine. You giant fawn.

 **Home** **Depot** : Thus ending the most recent episode of: Angel and Alastor Acting Like The Children They Are.

 **OMG They Were Roommates** : A fine conclusion.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Yes indeed.

 **And They Were Roommates** : Oy vey.

 **Peach Cobbler** : I'm hungry.

 **Peach Cobbler** : I'm going to make a pie now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't take this seriously.
> 
> *Also, props to whoever can guess who the mystery guest of the evening was.


	7. Meeting In The Middle

**Little Big Brother** : Tony, I need to ask you a serious question.

**Fluffy Whore** : Uhh okay?

**Little Big Brother** : Do you miss being a mobster?

**Fluffy Whore** : Well, sometimes, yeah.

**Fluffy Whore** : Why?

**Little Big Brother** : I don't know.

**Little Big Brother** : I guess it's kinda weird seeing you cause so much havoc like when we were alive, then stop it all at once to try redeeming yourself.

**Little Big Brother** : You were born into this life. Why try to fight it?

**Fluffy** **Whore** : You know, I find myself asking the same question every now and then.

**Fluffy Whore** : Funny thing is that I always come up with the same answer.

**Little Big Brother** : ?

**Fluffy Whore** : I don't want to stay in this same routine, Ari.

**Fluffy Whore** : Sure, I love sex and violence, and it does suck that I have to give those things up for this whole redemption thing, but it's also kinda rewarding.

**Fluffy Whore** : Every time I choose to do something good, something that helps others instead of just me, I feel like I'm capable of more than I'm always told.

**Fluffy Whore** : You remember our lives before Hell. Pops wasn't really a fan of my 'lifestyle' or who I chose to like.

**Little Big Brother** : Yeah, well, neither did I.

**Fluffy Whore** : At first.

**Little Big Brother** : True.

**Fluffy Whore** : Just think about it. You, Molly, and all of my friends at the hotel are the only ones that actually view me as more than some slut.

**Little Big Brother** : Well, I still look at you like that to some extent.

**Fluffy Whore** : Very funny.

**Little Big Brother** : I know.

**Little Big Brother** : But in all seriousness, I still don't see what the appeal is.

**Fluffy Whore** : Maybe you should come to the hotel and try it out!

**Fluffy Whore** : Ya might like it!

**Little Big Brother** : Thanks, but no thanks.

**Little Big Brother** : I'm a mobster, through and through.

**Little Big Brother** : No amount of preachy talk or false encouragement is going to change that.

**Little Big Brother** : And I don't want you to think that it will for you, either.

**Fluffy Whore** : I don't think that, Ari. I know what I am, and I'm not going to let being redeemed get in the way of that.

**Little Big Brother** : Good luck with that.

**Little Big Brother** : Look, pops needs me to go do a hit, so I gotta go.

**Fluffy Whore** : Alright. Love ya.

**Little Big Brother** : I'll talk to you later.

**Fluffy Whore** : Is that an "I love you too"?

**Little Big Brother** : That's an "I'll talk to you later"

**Little Big Brother** : Angel.

**Fluffy Whore** : :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: All of these conversations are written via Angel's phone view. Meaning that everyone else has different screen names for each other.
> 
> Why am I telling you this? Because Arackniss' screen name for Angel is "Slinky Slutty Spider Bro" :)


	8. What Kind Of Treachery-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special Guest Chapter!
> 
> Hope You Guys Like Them!

**Fluffy Whore** : Hey Vaggie! Guess what!

 **OMG They Were Roommates** : What?

 **Fluffy Whore** : Alastor made some new friends the other day, and he convinced me to convince them to join our group chat!

 **OMG They Were Roommates** : Why does that not surprise me?

 **Fluffy Whore** : I dunno.

 **Hisssss** : So, you're the Vaggie chick Angel was talking about so much, huh?

 **Hisssss** : You don't seem very fun.

 **Sleeping With The Boss** : He said she wouldn't be.

 **Sleeping With The Boss** : Wait a second.

 **Sleeping With The Boss** : WHY DID YOU NAME ME THIS?!

 **Fluffy Whore** : Because it's the truth?

 **I Am The Boss** : Very much so.

 **Hisssss** : You're all mean.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Who tf are these guys?

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Our newfound friends!

 **And They Were** **Roommates** : You and Angel made friends?! Al, that's great!

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Well, to be honest, I was friends with their boss for quite a while.

 **I Am The** **Boss** : And then some.

 **Sleeping With The Boss** : Can you change my name please?

 **Fluffy Whore** : No.

 **I Am The Boss** : No.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : No.

 **Sleeping With The** **Boss** : Alastor, why did YOU respond?

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Because you losing that name is the equivalent of me losing my entertainment!

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : And the last thing you want on your hands is a bored Eldritch/Overlord!

 **I Am The Boss** : I have never seen truer words.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Wait, I'm lost.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Who's sleeping with what and why?

 **Fluffy Whore** : Sleeping With The Boss is sleeping with I Am The Boss who is an eldritch demon like Old Man Rotary Phone.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Ah, okay.

 **OMG They Were Roommates** : Wait, so are we not gonna get any real names from the newbies?

 **Fluffy Whore** : Nope.

 **And They Were Roommates** : Why?

 **Fluffy Whore** : Because it's a secret and needs to be figured out by otherworldly beings.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Are you high?

 **Fluffy Whore** : No, I'm Angel.

 **Fluffy Whore** : Wait...

 **Fluffy Whore** : GODDAMN IT!

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Angel, I am so proud of you right now.

 **OMG They Were Roommates** : I'm sure you are.

 **Hisssss** : Wait, I'm confused.

 **Hisssss** : What's going on?

 **Sleeping With The Boss** : You know how Alastor tells a lot of dad jokes?

 **Hisssss** : Yeah?

 **I Am The Boss** : Angel is now his protégé.

 **Hisssss** : Oh.

 **Hisssss** : I still don't get it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess who the special guests were?
> 
> The winner(s) shall receive a cookie.
> 
> *Here's a hint for those who might need it: Pueden hablar español. (They can speak Spanish.)


	9. Moody

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Charlie! I need your help! Angel's dying!

**And They Were Roommates** : Al, how many times am I going to have to tell you to stop making Angel upset?

**And They Were Roommates** : He's 4 months pregnant for crying out loud! Being moody is pretty much part of what you two signed up for.

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : If I had known that my Fluff Privileges would be revoked because of a fawn, I wouldn't have agreed to this!

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Please help me calm him down! I need a woman's input!

**OMG They Were Roommates** : Here's one for ya: give Angel some S P A C E

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : How dare you suggest such a notion?! If you think I'm going to give up my cuddling rights because of a fawn, you are sorely mistaken!

**Fluffy Whore** : Alastor, I swear to Satan.

**Fluffy Whore** : If you don't stop complaining about not getting cuddles, I will personally run down there in all of my fat pregnant glory and chop your deer dick off in one swipe!

**Drunken Sailor** : O_o

**Peach Cobbler** : Uh-oh, Al made his doe angry again!

**OMG They Were Roommates** : What a surprise.

**And They Were Roommates** : Al, is there something you would like to say to your husband?

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : I'm sorry.

**Fluffy Whore** : You're sorry? For...?

**Old Man Rotary Phone** : Getting you pregnant and losing my cuddling privileges.

**Fluffy Whore** : Of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a short one, but I kinda wanna make a separate fic of Angel being moody during a pregnancy and denying Al cuddling rights so much that Alastor gets jealous of the baby and constantly tries to Jason Bourne that Mofo.
> 
> Would y'all read that?


	10. Stalling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just so y'all know, I have a tumblr! @yourlocalhazbintrash if you wanna check it out. :)

**Drunken Sailor** : Hey Al?

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Yes, Husker?

 **Drunken Sailor** : Where are you right now?

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : I'm getting ready to start a broadcast at the radio tower. Why?

 **Drunken Sailor** : Oh, no reason.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : If there was no reason then why did you ask?

 **Drunken Sailor** : I dunno. I just felt like it.

 **Drunken Sailor** : So how long is that broadcast gonna last?

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : If you let me start, approximately an hour or two.

 **Drunken Sailor** : So no less than that?

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Husker. Stop.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Let me broadcast.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Okay.

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : Thank you.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Oh! By the way

 **Drunken Sailor** : Angel's water broke

 **Old Man Rotary Phone** : wHaT?! HOW LONG AGO?!

 **Drunken Sailor** : Uhh...

 **Drunken Sailor** : 10 minutes ago

 **Drunken Sailor** : The midwife is here now.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Charlie just told us the baby's crowning.

 **Drunken Sailor** : This is an experience.

 **Drunken Sailor** : Al?

 **Drunken Sailor** : Al...

 **Drunken Sailor** : Alastor...

 **Drunken Sailor** : Shit

 **Drunken Sailor** : I'm dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone draw a comic of this. It doesn't even have to be a text. Make it a phone call. And all the while Vaggie is cursing out Husker for not immediately starting the call with something along the lines of "AL! GET YO ASS OVER HERE THIS DOE HAVIN' A KID!"


	11. Nasty Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: VERY CRUDE LANGUAGE AHEAD!
> 
> Goddamn you Brittnay Matthews...

_[Admin **Fluffy Whore** Has Changed Their Name To: **Spider Mommy** ]_

_[Admin **Spider Mommy** Has Changed **Old Man Rotary Phone's** Name To: **Deer Daddy** ]_

_[Admin **Spider Mommy** Has Changed **And They Were Roommates'** Name To: **Godmother 1** ]_

_[Admin **Spider Mommy** Has Changed **OMG They Were Roommates'** Name To: **Godmother 2** ]_

_[Admin **Spider Mommy** Has Changed **Drunken Sailor's** Name To: **Godfather 1** ]_

_[Admin **Spider Mommy** Has Change **Home Depot's** Name To: **Godfather 2** ]_

_[Admin **Spider Mommy** Has Changed **Peach Cobbler's** Name To: **Fairy Godmother** ]_

_[Admin **Spider Mommy** Has Changed **Little Big Brother's** Name To: **Uncle Cool Guy** ]_

**Spider Mommy** : There! One big happy family!

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : I hate you and your stupid adorable baby.

 **Spider Mommy** : Don't worry Ari, I'll let you hold Everest first when Al gets through his whole "Stay the Hecc Out of My Territory You Unworthy Swine!" phase.

 **Godfather 2** : You say that like you think it's gonna happen sometime soon.

 **Godfather 1** : Seriously. Al is never gonna grow out of this.

 **Spider Mommy** : He will if I have anything to say about it.

 **Godmother 2** : O shet. Al, look out!

 **Deer Daddy** : None of you are worthy of holding my son!

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Wait, it's a boy and you named him Everest?

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Why the fuck would you do that?

 **Spider Mommy** : Because it felt like I was climbing Mount Everest when I was giving birth to him.

 **Spider Mommy** : The pain was unbearable, but it was worth it in the end.

 **Spider Mommy** : Also, do you think you could cut back on the swear words, Ari? I don't want Everest cursing sooner than necessary.

 **Godfather 1** : Seriously? You live with a drunkard, a cannibalistic Eldritch, the Princess of Hell and her girlfriend who's willing to murder anyone for the hell of it and expect us to keep swearing to a minimum?

 **Godfather 1** : What sort of words are you even wanting to avoid? There's literally a SEA of curse words.

 **Godfather 2** : Are you trying to avoid words like Hell, Damn, Fuck, Shit, Bitch, Cunt, Ass, Cock, Dick, Cock Face, Dick Face, Dick Head, Dickwad, Cocksmoker and Cock sucker?

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : What about words like Tits, Pussy, Twatch, Snatch, Clitface, Cuntface, Thundercunt, Dipshit, Douchebag, Dumbass or Dumbfuck?

 **Godmother 2** : I'm sure you're trying to avoid words like Bullshit, Bastard, Bitchtits, Buttfucker, Asshole, Asshat, Assclown, Asswipe, Jackass, Shithead, Shitface and Whore, right?

 **Spider Mommy** : . . .

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Are we counting words like Piss, Cum, Cum Dumpster and Cum Guzzler?

 **Spider Mommy** : Guys...

 **Godfather 2** : Oh Goddamn it! We almost forgot about Fucker, Fuckface, Fuckstick, Fuckwad, Fuckboy, Clusterfuck, and of course, Motherfucker.

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Are these all words you're trying to avoid, little brother?

 **Spider Mommy** : Yes, Ari...

 **Spider Mommy** : Those are words Al and I are trying to steer clear of.

 **Godmother 2** : Yeah, well, good fucking luck with that.


	12. Mistakes Are Nothing Compared To This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a day! Holy hecc!
> 
> Also, I know the chapter name is long, but you'll figure out why that is almost immediately.

**Deer Daddy** : I hate this baby.

**Godfather 1** : Wtf???

**Fairy Godmother** : Alastor! That isn't very nice! Why would you say that???

**Deer Daddy** : It's just awful! It screams all the time, it constantly wants to be held, it won't let my doe get any sleep, and it's been stealing Angel's attention from me since it was born!

**Godmother 1** : Alastor, there are plenty of things wrong with what you just allowed yourself to put into this chat.

**Godfather 2** : For real.

**Godfather 2** : If this isn't the most selfish thing I've ever read, I don't know what is.

**Deer Daddy** : Oh, stop admonishing me! Is it truly selfish to want my doe's attention every second of every day? Is it truly selfish to want to push that thing aside just so I don't have to deal with it anymore? Is it truly selfish to want to put a blanket on its cradle and wait for it to fall asleep just so I can take it up to the roof and throw it onto the ground?!

**Godmother 2** : ALASTOR! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR OWN CHILD?!

**Deer Daddy** : I wasn't the one who wanted the child! I only did it so Angel would stop bugging me about it!

**Godfather 2** : Okay, I'm calling it. You are the worst father I have ever met in my life, and I've met some really shitty fathers in both life and death.

**Fairy Godmother** : Does Angel know that you feel this way?

**Deer Daddy** : Of COURSE NOT! He would die twice of a broken heart!

**Godmother 1** : Then why are you saying these things?! You realize that he can read every word you're typing right now, don't you?!

**Deer Daddy** : Wait, he can?

**Godmother 1** : YES!

**Godfather 1** : You stupid motherfucker!

**Godmother 2** : You're such an awful creature!

**Godfather 2** : You might as well just stab Angel in the heart and leave him to die!

**Fairy Godmother** : How did you NOT KNOW THIS?! We've been over that fact since you started texting!

**Deer Daddy** : Oh my... so that means...

**Deer Daddy** : I really hope Angel hasn't seen any of this.

**Spider Mommy** : Why? Just so you can keep hiding the fact that you don't want your own son?

**Deer Daddy** : Angel! My love, please forgive me!

**Spider Mommy** : FORGIVE YOU?! WHAT FOR?!

**Spider Mommy** : After all of these years telling me that you love me, that you care about how I feel, that you would be next to me no matter what, you throw that all away because your ass can't handle being a parent?!

**Spider Mommy** : God fucking damn it! If I would have known that you would turn out just like MY FATHER, I NEVER would have let you get me pregnant, nor would I have even CONSIDERED getting married to you!

**Spider Mommy** : All my life I've been beaten down and hurt because of who I am and what I have, but I REFUSE to let that happen anymore! And I refuse EVEN MORE to let it happen to my precious miracle!

**Spider Mommy** : I can't...

**Spider Mommy** : I don't...

**Spider Mommy** : Charlie, I'm leaving.

**Godmother 1** : What?! Angel, please! Don't do this!

**Spider Mommy** : I'm sorry Charlie, but I just can't bring myself to live under a roof with a man who I used to love...

**Spider Mommy** : I can't bring myself to raise Everest in a place where there's nothing but HATE.

**Spider Mommy** : Because God strike me down if I don't HATE YOU, Alastor.

**Spider Mommy** : And for the icing on the cake: I. Want. A. Divorce.

**Godmother 1** : Angel... please... you KNOW how dangerous it is out there for the homeless! Even more so when they have a Hellborn!

**Godfather 2** : It's okay, Charles. He can stay with me.

**Godfather 2** : And I'll call Arackniss for extra protection.

**Godmother 1** : But...

**Godmother 1** : Okay. As long as they're both safe.

**Godfather 2** : I'll be over there in an hour. Will you be ready by then, Angie?

**Spider Mommy** : Yeah. I won't need to take much anyways. I left "that part" of my life behind when Val died.

**Godfather 2** : Alright. TTYL.

**Godmother 2** : You'll still let us see the baby, right?

**Spider Mommy** : Of course, Vaggie. Everyone's welcome to see Everest.

**Spider Mommy** : Well, almost everyone.

**Spider Mommy** : Alastor, if I EVER see you anywhere NEAR me or my baby, I will NOT hesitate to harm you in any way possible. Am I understood?

**Deer Daddy** : Yes, Angel Dust. You're understood.

**Spider Mommy** : As for everyone else, I'm so sorry that this had to happen. I promise that I'll keep in contact with you as much as possible, and I love you all so much.

**Fairy Godmother** : We love you too, Angel!

**Godmother 1** : Angel, do you think you could promise us all something before you leave?

**Spider Mommy** : Of course, Charlie.

**Godmother 1** : Promise us that you won't let this change who you are.

**Spider Mommy** : Charlie...

**Spider Mommy** : I wouldn't dream of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this?! ANGST?! In MY chat fic?! How DARE I?!
> 
> But in all seriousness, what do you guys think will happen next? Do you think Al's SOL this time? What will become of our Hotel Family?
> 
> Stay tuned to find out more~


	13. Time

**Uncle Cool Guy** : Hey Tony.

 **Spider Mommy** : Hey Ari.

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : You good for tonight, or do you want me to patrol?

 **Spider Mommy** : Nah, I'm good. Cherri's been going around the area making sure no one knows about me.

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Alright, but tell me if I need to come down there and shoot a motherfucker.

 **Spider Mommy** : I will Ari. But I feel like you texted me for more than to ask if Everest and I are safe.

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : You always were pretty observant. Sucks that you had to go the way you did.

 **Spider Mommy** : Mhm.

 **Spider Mommy** : Just... what do you want?

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : I think you know.

 **Spider Mommy** : Ari, I swear to Lucifer that I will block you if you keep trying to convince me to go back to that fucker.

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : I'm not trying to convince you to do anything, Tony.

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : I just don't like seeing you and Everest so unhappy.

 **Spider Mommy** : Please, Everest is as happy as a frog on a log.

 **Spider Mommy** : The only unhappy one here is me.

 **Spider Mommy** : And I'm gaining my baby weight back because I can't stop eating ice cream.

 **Spider Mommy** : {:c

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Want me to come over and cook something for ya?

 **Spider Mommy** : No offense Ari, but you're not really good at cooking.

 **Spider Mommy** : Pops wasn't really a cook, remember?

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Yeah, how could I forget?

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : But I still want to do something to help you feel better.

 **Spider Mommy** : Come over and sing Old MacDonald to Everest.

 **Spider Mommy** : I'm sleepy.

 **Spider Mommy** : And thirsty.

 **Spider Mommy** : And fat.

 **Spider Mommy** : So fat.

 **Spider Mommy** : mmmmmmmm baby weight...

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Wait, didn't you lose all of that weight like... a week after you gave birth to Everest?

 **Spider Mommy** : yea

 **Spider Mommy** : but it's back now

 **Spider Mommy** : I no like this

 **Spider Mommy** : it hurts...

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Tony? Why are you texting like that? Is something wrong?

 **Spider Mommy** : nao

 **Spider Mommy** : I just need some sleep

 **Spider Mommy** : it'll help

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Tony, you're kinda spooking me right now.

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : You would tell me if you needed me there, wouldn't you?

 **Spider Mommy** : course i would

 **Spider Mommy** : jus need slep

 **Spider Mommy** : ned now

 **Spider Mommy** : mm slep

 **Spider Mommy** : noo

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Tony?

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Anthony?

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Angel Dust?!

 **Spider Mommy** : SHIT!

 **Spider Mommy** : AR, THIS IS CHERRI!

 **Spider Mommy** : GET OVER HERE! ANGEL ISN'T MOVING!

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : GODDAMN IT!

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : I'M COMING OVER NOW!

 **Spider Mommy** : Please!

 **Spider Mommy** : Hurry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heheh


	14. Food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a sidebar from the plot driven texts for a bit, but I'll tell ya when I start it back up again. I just need some time to stray away from a plotline every five minutes because I overexert myself when I write.
> 
> *Just assume that this is a timeline where Al didn't horrendously hecc up and actually loves and cares for Everest.
> 
> **Like, seriously, wtf was I thinking? Why make Al such an ass-hat of a father?

**Spider Mommy** : Charlie, tell my dumbass of a husband that it's not okay to feed our baby the blood of a goat instead of milk.

 **Godmother 1** : What the fuck?

 **Godmother 1** : Why is he feeding Everest GOAT BLOOD???

 **Spider Mommy** : Because he says that we need to "Sustain Everest's Natural Eldritch Needs"

 **Spider Mommy** : And according to Al, the only way to do that is by feeding our baby the remains of a successful hunt.

 **Godfather 2** : Permission to laugh at that?

 **Uncle Cool Guy** : Way ahead of ya.

 **Fairy Godmother** : Will Alastor let you feed Everest anything other than fresh meat or goat blood?

 **Spider Mommy** : Yea

 **Spider Mommy** : He'll give me the okay to feed Everest some sugar cubes every so often, but other than that Al says that we should stick to a strict carnivorous diet.

 **Spider Mommy** : Which sucks.

 **Spider Mommy** : Now I can't let Everest have any pie.

 **Spider Mommy** : It might upset his baby tum-tum.

 **Godfather 1** : Why don't you just compromise and make a pie with sugar, salt, fresh meat, and blended deer feed?

 **Godfather 1** : Like a sorta meat pie but with a bit of sweetness.

 **Godfather 1** : And deer feed.

 **Godfather 1** : But not too much. It'll kill the kid in seconds.

 **Spider Mommy** : Wait, how much is "too much"?

 **Godfather 1** : For a baby Everest's size, I'd say... about a quarter of a cup.

 **Godfather 1** : Put about a sixteenth of a cup of feed in that motherfucker.

 **Godfather 1** : Same with the sugar and salt.

 **Godfather 1** : But only half of a tablespoon for each.

 **Godfather 1** : You can go crazy with the fresh meat.

 **Godfather 1** : It shouldn't do any harm.

 **Godmother 2** : Husk, why do you know all of this?

 **Godfather 1** : I've worked for Alastor for years.

 **Godfather 1** : You learn a few things.

 **Godfather 1** : Plus I used to hunt deer before everything in my life went to shit.

 **Godfather 1** : Accidentally ended up overfeeding the deer with corn one time and they all died of Corn Toxicity.

 **Deer Daddy** : I did not need to know that.

 **Deer Daddy** : But now I do.


	15. The Love (Can You Feel It?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Guest! New Guest! New Guest!
> 
> Guess who!

**Sassy** : Can you feel the love tonight?

**Spider Mommy** : The peace the evening brings~

**Sassy** : The world for once, in perfect harmony, with all its living things!

**Uncle Cool Guy** : OH I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KING!

**Spider Mommy** : Ari! Wtf?!

**Sassy** : Yeah! This was about to be the greatest text duet ever!

**Uncle Cool Guy** : Oh well.

**Spider Mommy** : Seriously Ari?

**Spider Mommy** : The one day I get to hang out with you two is the day you start text singing about wanting pops to die?

**Uncle Cool Guy** : You are so lucky you have a kid.

**Sassy** : Ooh! Speaking of which, how is the baby doing? Can I see him soon?

**Spider Mommy** : Of course! But I think we might wanna wait until later on today. Right now I just wanna take it easy, wind down, hunt and kill some dinner, and then bond over a nice mimosa.

**Uncle Cool Guy** : Sounds good to me.

**Sassy** : Who're we gonna hunt?

**Spider Mommy** : Who/what do ya have a taste for?

**Deer Daddy** : An alcoholic.

**Deer Daddy** : Please let me come with you.

**Spider Mommy** : Al, how many times do I have to tell you that this is my day off?

**Godfather 1** : Yeah, suck it up and keep your kid taped down, Al.

**Godfather 2** : He tapes the baby down???

**Deer Daddy** : No! I would never do anything of the sorts!

**Fairy Godmother** : Then why did Husk tell you to keep the baby taped down?

**Deer Daddy** : How should I know?

**Godfather 2** : I could come over and take care of the baby.

**Deer Daddy** : ABSOLUTELY NOT!

**Spider Mommy** : Okay, I'm leaving now.

**Deer Daddy** : NO! Don't go!

**Spider Mommy** : Al, I'm hungry. I'm going to get something to eat.

**Uncle Cool Guy** : Family first!

**Sassy** : But isn't the Radio Demon family now?

**Uncle Cool Guy** : Not if I have anything to say about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one who guesses right gets a slice of pie this time!
> 
> *Song fragments belong to The Lion King; "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" and "I Just Can't Wait To Be King"


	16. Primal

**Uncle Cool Guy** : Tony, did ya tell them yet?

**Spider Mommy** : Not yet

**Spider Mommy** : Still gotta get myself ready

**Sassy** : Angel, hon, how long does it take to get ready for a hunt???

**Spider Mommy** : Longer than you think!

**Spider Mommy** : Fashion takes time!

**Uncle Cool Guy** : Why would you spend time on makeup and clothes when you're gonna be bloody as fuck later on tonight?

_[Admin **Spider Mommy** Has Changed Their Name To: **Murder Spaghurter** ]_

_[Admin **Murder Spaghurter** Has Changed **Uncle Cool Guy** 's Name To: **Murder Ya Hurter** ]_

_[Admin **Murder Spaghurter** Has Changed **Sassy** 's Name To: **Murder Ya Dirter** ]_

**Murder Ya Hurter** : What is with these names?

**Murder Spaghurter** : We're gonna be doin some murder.

**Murder Spaghurter** : We gonna be bringing the hurter.

**Murder Ya Dirter** : Makes sense to me.

**Deer Daddy** : What is this about murder I hear?

**Godmother 2** : Yeah, seriously?

**Godfather 2** : Can I come?

**Murder Spaghurter** : Sorry babes, but this is one of those times when you don't wanna be around me.

**Murder Spaghurter** : Like, at all.

**Godfather 2** : Whatchu talkin bout?

**Murder Ya Dirter** : Well, every 5 years or so, our family goes through this thing called a "Primal Week"

**Murder Ya Hurter** : Yeah, kinda like Shark Week but more dangerous and on land.

**Murder Spaghurter** : We go on this mindless rampage and kill literally EVERYTHING THAT MOVES.

**Murder Spaghurter** : No joke, one time I ate a can that was blown forward by the wind.

**Murder Spaghurter** : It sucked to consume, but at least it had some Spaghettios in it.

**Godfather 2** : Tasty.

**Godmother 1** : Wait, is that something Everest will go through?

**Murder Ya Hurter** : Probably, considering how he comes from both the spider family AND a cannibal of an Overlord.

**Deer Daddy** : Guilty as charged.

**Murder** **Spaghurter** : Okay, time to get back on track!

**Murder Spaghurter** : I'm ready to go guys!

**Murder Ya Hurter** : Cool. Meet us down at Pops place.

**Murder Spaghurter** : Will do!

**Murder Spaghurter** : You're okay with that, right Charles?

**Godmother 1** : Well... if it's something you have to do... sure.

**Murder Spaghurter** : Thanks babe! I'll see all of you in a couple o' weeks!

**Godfather 2** : A couple of weeks?! Bro wtf?!

**Murder Ya Dirter** : We need some time to cool down after our murder spree, Cherri. We'll be tired and fat for some time.

**Murder Spaghurter** : Yep. Which is why I love this time, since Val doesn't make me work for an entire month after Primal Week!

**Murder Spaghurter** : Mainly because I won't need to eat for the rest of the month, plus a few days, but Val usually considers me skinny enough to work after a month.

**Deer Daddy** : I really want to fucking murder that moth.

**Murder Ya Hurter** : You and me both.

**Godfather 2** : Don't we all...

**Murder Spaghurter** : Guys, I'm fine. Now let me go, the longer I stay in this hotel the more I'll start wanting to eat everyone in the place against my will.

**Murder Spaghurter** : And I mean everyone.

**Godmother 1** : Alright, fine. Go on. But be careful!

**Murder Spaghurter** : You have my word! Look out Hell! I'm going to cause a mass genocide with my family!

**Godmother 1** : ...

**Godmother 1** : What have I done?


	17. Mafia

**Murder Spaghurter** : EVERYONE! EVEREST IS SAYING HIS FIRST WORD!

 **Godfather 2** : FUCK! I CAN'T BE THERE! SEND US A VIDEO!

 **Godfather 1** : AND SHE MEANS ALL OF US!

 **Godmother 1** : YEAH THE FUCK SHE DOES!

 **Fairy Godmother** : WHY ARE WE ALL SCREAMING?!

 **Godmother 2** : SERIOUSLY! WHY?!

 **Murder Spaghurter** : THE BABY IS TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING!

 **Godmother 2** : THEN GET THAT SHIT ON CAMERA!

 **Murder Spaghurter** : HE'S ABOUT TO SAY IT!

 **Murder Spaghurter** : HERE IT COMES!

 **Murder Spaghurter** : Wait...

 **Murder Spaghurter** : Goddamn it!

 **Godmother 1** : What? What did he say???

 **Murder Spaghurter** : He said "Mafia"!

 **Murder Spaghurter** : Of every damn thing he could have said, it just HAD to be "Mafia"!

 **Godfather 1** : Well that was really anticlimactic.

 **Godfather 2** : You're tellin me...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm out of ideas.
> 
> Requests: Allowed


	18. Our Turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Request from user Bookworm4567: Charlie wants a baby, Vaggie freaks out.

**Godmother 1** : Vaggie, I want a baby too.

**Godmother 2** : Hold up, wtf?

**Godmother 1** : Listen, if there's a point in time where two couples are hanging out and one does something romantic, the other has to do something even more so.

**Godmother 1** : It's the law of the land.

**Godfather 2** : You're damn right it is!

**Godfather 2** : Do it Vaggie! Have that baby!

**Godfather 2** : Better yet, have TWO babies!

**Godmother 2** : No! We don't have the time or the resources!

**Godfather 2** : Seriously?

**Godfather 2** : You say that yet you have two fathers in that hotel?

**Godmother 2** : Exactly! We already have two parents that are under our care!

**Godmother 2** : Adding another baby to the mix will just add on more stress than necessary.

**Godmother 2** : Not to mention the fact that Lucifer would have our hides if he found out about us having even ONE Hellborn in the hotel!

**Godmother 1** : Vaggie, I know my dad. Sure, he may not seem like the guy you'd want to tell about this stuff, but deep down he's just a big ol' family man!

**Godfather 2** : Why do I doubt that heavily?

**Godmother 2** : Because it's the literal devil we're talking about here!

**Godmother 2** : The fallen angel!

**Godmother 2** : The anti-Christ!

**Godmother 2** : The hot sauce chugger!

**Godmother 2** : The guy who beat up a vending machine because it wouldn't give him his Skittles!

**Godmother 1** : Alright, I'll admit that he was wrong to do that last thing.

**Godmother 1** : But other than that, he's a nice guy!

**Godmother 1** : So PLEASE?

**Godmother 2** : No, and that's final.

**Godfather 2** : Prepare for another baby soon. Got it.


	19. Meet the Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A request from Not_the_Best_Fan: something with a bit more drama like Lucifer comes to see how the rehab is going and everyone loses it.

**Fairy Godmother** : I'm just saying that I think it would make more sense for us to use oranges as decorations instead of apples.

**Godfather 1** : Yeah, it would if the theme was orange.

**Fairy Godmother** : Does color really matter in this situation, though?

**Satan** : Well, I would like to think so.

**Godfather 1** : SON OF A BITCH!

**Satan** : Not the most inappropriate way I've been greeted.

**Godmother 1** : Dad! What are you doing here???

**Satan** : I simply wanted to see how well things were going with this little playtime project of yours.

**Satan** : Word's been spreading that you may be hiding a pretty big secret from me.

**Satan** : Would you care to tell me what that secret is?

**Godmother 1** : Oh! Well...

**Satan** : Wait. I'll stop you there.

**Satan** : It should have been obvious judging by your screen names.

**Satan** : So, you're harboring a Hellborn in this hotel of yours, hmm? Who, if I may ask, are the unlucky parents?

**Godmother 1** : They're... well...

**Satan** : Well...?

**Satan** : You know how little patience I have, Charlotte.

**Godmother 1** : I know! But I can't tell you who the parents are!

**Godmother 1** : It's of great importance to this hotel that we keep the privacy of each guest as protected as possible!

**Satan** : Need I remind you who you are talking to, Charlotte Magne?

**Godmother 1** : No, dad, you need not.

**Godmother 1** : I know who you are and how much power you have, but I'm not going to let that deter me from my goal of keeping the baby's parents safe!

**Satan** : It seems I've taught you well enough to stand by your own values, though it's a very foolish thing to do so in my presence.

**Murder Spaghurter** : Which is why she won't have to do it anymore.

**Murder Spaghurter** : King Lucifer, I am Angel Dust, the birthing parent of the Hellborn.

**Satan** : Angel Dust? The PORN STAR?

**Satan** : Well, I've seen everything now.

**Deer Daddy** : Not quite.

**Deer Daddy** : I, Alastor, more widely known as the Radio Demon, am the father of the Hellborn.

**Satan** : Alastor...

**Satan** : The father of a Hellborn...

**Murder Spaghurter** : Yes...?

**Godmother 1** : It's okay, he's still processing it.

**Satan** : The bringer of chaos wherever he goes...

**Satan** : The demon who is capable of making others rush away at the mention of his own name...

**Satan** : The one guy who managed to outdo me in a game of wits...

**Satan** : Is the father of a Hellborn...

**Murder Spaghurter** : Did we break your dad?

**Godmother 1** : Probably.

**Satan** : I must be missing something here!

**Deer Daddy** : No, my dear friend, you are not.

**Deer Daddy** : I am, indeed, the father of a Hellborn.

**Satan** : I... need to go lie down.

**Satan** : Charlotte...

**Satan** : Good job, I guess.

**Godmother 1** : Thank you?

**Satan** : Oh, Lilith is going to get a kick out of this.

**Godmother 1** : I'm sure she will.


	20. Cultured Swine

**The Goodest Boi** : Father! I require sustenance!

**Godfather 1** : Wtf? Who are you?

**Godfather 2** : Can't you read? That's The Goodest Boi!

**Godfather 1** : Yeah, no shit, I can read.

**Godfather 1** : What I meant was who the guy is behind the screenname.

**The Goodest Boi** : I am he who requires sustenance!

**Godfather 2** : We do not have drugs. I am deeply sorry for you loss of a stash.

**Godfather 1** : He said "Sustenance" not "Substance", you idiot.

**Godfather 2** : Same thing!

**Godfather 2** : They're both things that go into your body!

**Godfather 2** : Right?

**Godfather 1** : Unfortunately.

**The Goodest Boi** : Where is my father?! I need food! I will die if I do not receive my afternoon foodies!

**Godfather 2** : I can't help but read that in a posh accent.

**Godfather 1** : I can't help but fear that this is how Everest is going to end up texting...

**Godfather 2** : Bold of you to assume that Angel and/or Alastor will even let Everest get a phone.

**The Goodest Boi** : My daddies are here? Where?!

**Godfather 1** : Hold on...

**Godfather 1** : Did you just refer to Angel and Al as your...

**Godfather 2** : F A T N U G G E T S

**Godfather 2** : It's F A T N U G G E T S

**Godfather 1** : How is he even typing?

**Murder Spaghurter** : Magic.

**The Goodest Boi** : Father! I require food!

**Murder Spaghurter** : Comin' up Nugs!

**The Goodest Boi** : Triumph!

**Godfather 1** : What just happened?

**Godfather 2** : Magic.


	21. One Big, Scrappy Family

_[Admin **Murder Spaghurter** Has Changed Their Name To: **Concerned Mother** ]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Changed **Godfather 1** 's Name To: **Baby Hazard** ]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Changed **Deer Daddy** 's Name To: **Concerned Father** ]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Changed **Godmother 1** 's Name To: **Safety Net** ]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Changed **Godmother 2** 's Name To: **Safety Line** ]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Changed **Fairy Godmother** 's Name To: **Smol Peach** ]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Changed **Home Depot** 's Name To: **Jump In The Caac** ]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Changed **Uncle Cool Guy** 's Name To: **Baby's Favorite** ]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Changed **Sassy** 's Name To: **Flight Attendant** ]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Added **Satan** To The Chat]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Added **Daddy** To The Chat]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Added **Ye Old Razzle Dazzle** To The Chat]_

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Added **Ye Old Dazzle Razzle** To The Chat]_

**Concerned Mother** : Alright everyone! Take a good look at your name and Chat Friends and get comfy!

 **Baby's Favorite** : Not that I'm complaining about this name or anything, but...

 **Baby's Favorite** : Why did you change everyone's screen names?

 **Safety Net** : Yeah! I liked our old screen names!

 **Safety Line** : Out of context, these really don't make sense.

 **Satan** : There's context to your names?

 **Baby Hazard** : DAMN YOU LUCIFER, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!

 **Satan** : No.

 **Safety Line** : To put things in context, Angel has named everyone in the hotel based upon a failed magic trick Husk tried to perform a few days ago.

 **Safety Line** : Charlie and I had to build this giant Rube Goldberg machine to keep Everest from becoming a puddle on the ground.

 **Satan** : Hmm.

 **Safety Net** : Were you anyone else, I would scold you for being so indifferent to the knowledge of a baby almost being killed.

 **Daddy** : What did that old cat even do?

 **Concerned Mother** : Husk put Everest in a giant basket that was hanging by a thin wire tied to the chandelier.

 **Concerned Mother** : The trick was for him to somehow magically get Everest down by using "Mind Powers" but I think we all know how well that went.

 **Satan** : Judging from the names, yes.

 **Satan** : Speaking of names, who is that... Daddy... fellow?

 **Daddy** : Lucifer, I thought you would have recognized the most revered pimp in Hell!

 **Jump In the Caac** : Damn it! Why is that stupid moth here?!

 **Concerned Mother** : Sorry Cherri, it's part of my contract with Valentino to make him aware of any and every social media/group I'm involved with.

 **Satan** : More power to you, then.

 **Safety Net** : Dad, PLEASE.

 **Satan** : We do not ask for things nicely in Hell, Charlotte!

 **Daddy** : Thank you!

 **Daddy** : And, as an example, I'll show your daughter how a REAL demon "asks" for something.

 **Daddy** : ALASTOR! GET YOUR WHITE TAILED ASS OVER HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN BEFORE I TAKE YOUR DOE AND MAKE HIM PREGNANT AGAIN!

 **Safety Net** : Do that, and I'll make sure you never take another meaningless breath.

 **Satan** : That's my girl!

 **Smol Peach** : Wait, where is Al?

 **Concerned Mother** : He's with me being a concerned father.

 **Concerned Mother** : Poor baby, still traumatized.

 **Satan** : Alright, I'm leaving.

 **Daddy** : Same.

 **Baby's Favorite** : I wasn't paying attention, what happened?

 **Safety Line** : Stuff.

 **Baby's Favorite** : Huh. Alright.

 **Smol Peach** : Y'all, we gotta get our shit together.

 **Baby Hazard** : You're damn right about that.

 **Concerned Mother** : Okay, I'm sleepy. Stop group texting now.

 **Safety Net** : Goodnight Angel.

 **Safety Line** : See ya.

 **Smol Peach** : Sweet dreams!

 **Baby Hazard** : Forgive me for almost dropping the kid?

 **Concerned Mother** : No. Later.

 **Baby Hazard** : Good enough for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does everyone feel about Uncle Ari being Everest's favorite (Non-Parent) adult? How does everyone feel about having two Overlords and the literal king of Hell in the same chat? How does everyone feel about the drama that might encase in future chapters?
> 
> Leave your thoughts and I may just find a way to work with them! :D


	22. This'll Be Good

**Concerned Mother** : And you're sure that you understand everything?

**Jump In the Caac** : Angie, I may be destructive, but I think I know how to take care of your child. Go on and have fun with your husband!

**Concerned Mother** : Alright... just make sure to tell me when something goes wrong, okay?

**Jump In the Caac** : Will do! Bye-bye!

**Concerned Mother** : Bye...

**Flight Attendant** : How long do you think it'll take them to smash?

**Baby Hazard** : Oh, no time at all.

**Safety Line** : 10 bucks says Angel tries to text Cherri when he and Al start smashing.

**Baby Hazard** : You're on!

**Flight Attendant** : I bet 20!

**Jump In the Caac** : Y'all are lame! I bet 50!

**Smol Peach** : What are we betting on?

**Baby Hazard** : Whether or not Angel starts checking in on us when he and Al start to smash.

**Smol Peach** : What's the highest bet?

**Jump In the Caac** : 50 by me.

**Satan** : 200

**Daddy** : 350

**Satan** : I thought you hated Alastor.

**Daddy** : I do, but that doesn't mean I can't bet on my own whore.

**Safety Net** : What's happening?

**Satan** : We're betting on your friends.

**Safety Net** : Why?

**Jump In the Caac** : Because smashing is literally ALL THEY DO.

**Satan** : Up the ante! I bet 355 that they both start checking in when they smash!

**Baby Hazard** : I bet 60 on Lucifer!

**Daddy** : 360 on me!

**Jump In the Caac** : I gotta go with Husk. He knows how to bet.

**Safety Line** : As much as I hate him, I gotta bet on Valentino. He knows how Angel plays. 75 on me.

**Safety Line** : Plus, I accidentally walked in on them once. Al will be too out of it to start texting.

**Smol Peach** : Where are you getting this money from?

**Flight Attendant** : Inheritance.

**Safety Line** : I save.

**Baby Hazard** : I sell alcohol.

**Satan** : Need you really ask me?

**Daddy** : Or me?

**Safety Net** : Alright, well, you have fun with that. Lemme know who wins.

**Smol Peach** : Same here, I've got cleaning to do!

**Baby Hazard** : Don't you clean all the time?

**Smol Peach** : Yeah, but I just wanted an excuse to leave, so. :p

**Concerned Mother** : GuYS, is eVeREst oKaY>

**Concerned Mother** : ?

**Daddy** : Angel! You need to answer us honestly! Are you and Al in bed right now?

**Concerned Mother** : I feLe liKe bAD tHiNGs wi;l hap[pem if i ansSwer thT!

**Smol Peach** : They are! I can confirm that they are very loudly smashing!

**Satan** : Angel Dust! Tell Alastor to start texting!

**Concerned Mother** : wHat<? wHy,>?

**Satan** : Just do it!

**Daddy** : No! Don't you dare!

**Concerned Mother** : Whay id hapoPeninf>??

**Satan** : Angel Dust! As your king I demand you to tell Alastor to start texting this group chat!

**Daddy** : And as your pimp, I demand you to ignore Lucifer!

**Concerned Father** : Will all of you stop texting us?! It's difficult to make love when a phone is going off every eight seconds!

**Concerned Father** : That's right! I counted!

**Daddy** : No! Did Angel tell you to do this?!

**Concerned Father** : No, I finally decided that I'm tired of watching Angel be buried in his phone while I'm trying to break him in half!

**Jump In the Caac** : Kinky.

**Safety Line** : Gross!

**Baby Hazard** : I'm gonna go drink this conversation away.

**Flight Attendant** : What happened? I was doing something.

**Flight Attendant** : Oh, people are whining.

**Flight Attendant** : Who won?

**Satan** : On the technicality, I did.

**Daddy** : Yeah, on the "technicality"

**Flight Attendant** : Oh! So that means Husk and Cherri won! Congrats!

**Baby Hazard** : Don't congratulate me for this.

**Jump In the Caac** : Why not? You're a winner! We won! We're champions!

**Baby Hazard** : We bet on two grown ass men having sex on a hotel bed, Cherri.

**Jump In the Caac** : Oh... oh yeah.

**Jump In the Caac** : Ew...

**Daddy** : Does this mean I owe the king money?

**Satan** : Yes, it does.

**Safety Net** : Why do you do this to yourselves?

**Satan** : Because we can, darling.

**Satan** : Because we can.


	23. Again?!

**Concerned Father** : Charlie, I need to tell you something important.

**Safety Net** : Okay?

**Concerned Father** : I got Angel pregnant.

**Baby Hazard** : Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. We've been taking care of the result for at least two months now.

**Concerned Father** : No!

**Concerned Father** : I got Angel pregnant!

**Concerned Father** : Again...

**Safety Line** : You WHAT?!

**Flight Attendant** : How many times have you smashed?

**Concerned Father** : I'm too embarrassed to say.

**Jump In the Caac** : Wow, that's a first.

**Baby's Favorite** : Why does everyone keep marveling over my baby brother having children?!

**Baby's Favorite** : This shouldn't even be possible!

**Flight Attendant** : Calm down Niss! It's not like he'll die!

**Jump In the Caac** : Yeah! He's already dead!

**Concerned Mother** : Yeah, dead and fat.

**Concerned Mother** : Dead and fat and horny.

**Concerned Father** : Angel we just found out yesterday.

**Concerned Mother** : Fine! Then I'm dead and horny!

**Jump In the Caac** : When are you NOT horny?

**Concerned Mother** : Fair point.

**Satan** : So you're just dead.

**Safety Net** : Dad, are you just going to butt in on our conversations from now on?

**Satan** : If they continue being as hilarious as this, then yes.

**Jump In the Caac** : The king has returned!

**Flight Attendant** : It is time!

**Concerned Mother** : Great, now I gotta do it.

_[Admin **Concerned Mother** Has Changed Their Name To: **Hakuna Matata** ]_

_[Admin **Hakuna Matata** Has Changed **Jump In the Caac** 's Name To: **It Means No Worries** ]_

_[Admin **Hakuna Matata** Has Changed **Flight Attendant** 's Name To: **For The Rest Of Your Days** ]_

_[Admin **Hakuna Matata** Has Changed **Satan** 's Name To: **It's Our Problem Free** ]_

_[Admin **Hakuna Matata** Has Changed **Safety Net** 's Name To: **Philosophy** ]_

_[Admin **Hakuna Matata** Has Changed **Concerned Father** 's Name To: **Can You Feel The Love Tonight?** ]_

**Safety Line** : Wait, why didn't you change everyone else's names?

**Hakuna Matata** : Because these are temporary names until someone else says something inspiring.

**It Means No Worries** : Baby maker.

**Hakuna Matata** : Fucc.

_[Admin **Hakuna Matata** Has Changed Their Name To **:** **Pimped Up** **Crib** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Can You Feel The Love Tonight?** 's Name To: **Baby Maker** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **It Means No Worries** 's Name To: **Reckless Godfather Woman** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **For The Rest Of Your Days** 's Name To: **Aunt Monroe** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **It's Our Problem Free** 's Name To: **King Ramses** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Philosophy** 's Name To: **Godmother Done With This** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Safety Line** 's Name To: **Godmother Done With That** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Baby Hazard** 's Name To: **Godfather Drinker** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Smol Peach** 's Name To: **Godmother Tinker** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Baby's Favorite** 's Name To: **Uncle Don** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Daddy** 's Name To: **Mister Val** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Ye Old Razzle Dazzle** 's Name To: **Hamburger Helper** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Ye Old Dazzle Razzle** 's Name To: **Helper Hamburger** ]_

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Added **Corleone Pepperoni** To The_ _Chat]_

**Pimped Up Crib** : We are now named appropriately.

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : At least I am!

**Baby Maker** : I hate to say that I am as well...

**King Ramses** : And honestly, to think that this started with Angel Dust being pregnant!

**Mister Val** : You're not going to let that go, are you?

**King Ramses** : When it comes to me potentially gaining more ways to cause havoc and get something worthwhile out of being the king of this accursed place?

**King Ramses** : No. I am not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little Compass:
> 
> Pimped Up Crib - Angel
> 
> Baby Maker - Alastor
> 
> Reckless Godfather Woman - Cherri
> 
> Aunt Monroe - Molly
> 
> King Ramses - Lucifer
> 
> Godmother Done With This - Charlie
> 
> Godmother Done With That - Vaggie
> 
> Godfather Drinker - Husk
> 
> Godmother Tinker - Niffty
> 
> Uncle Don - Arackniss
> 
> Mister Val - Valentino
> 
> Hamburger Helper - Razzle
> 
> Helper Hamburger - Dazzle
> 
> Corleone Pepperoni - Henroin


	24. Cup

**Godmother Done With This** : Vaggie! I hope you don't mind that I made you a gift this morning!

**Godmother Done With This** : You've seemed so tired lately! :(

**Godmother Done With This** : I just thought to myself that you deserved a nice hot cup of coffee! :D

**Godmother Done With That** : Babe, I really do appreciate the gesture, but...

**Godmother Done With That** : This is cold.

**Godmother Done With This** : Alright then, a nice cup of coffee! :)

**Godmother Done With That** : No offense, but this is horrible.

**Godmother Done With This** : A cup of coffee. :/

**Godmother Done With That** : This doesn't even taste like coffee.

**Godmother Done With This** : Cup. >:/

**King Ramses** : I'll drink the not coffee.

**King Ramses** : I'll eat the cup too.

**Godmother Done With This** : No! I made it for Vaggie!

**Godmother Done With That** : What is in this cup?

**Godmother Done With This** : It was supposed to be coffee.

**Godmother Done With This** : I got it from Angel.

**Godmother Done With This** : He said it's what he drinks before feeding Everest.

**King Ramses** : Darling, read that sentence again.

**Godmother Done With This** : Okay?

**Godmother Done With This** : Oh... oh no...

**King Ramses** : I believe you just gave your girlfriend some sort of mother formula.

**Godmother Done With This** : Vaggie, I am SO SORRY.

**Godmother Done With That** : I'm almost ashamed to say that this is an acquired taste.

**Godmother Done With That** : A taste that I have managed to acquire.

**Godmother Done With That** : It's like a terrifying amalgamation of Gross-Great...

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : Ooh! Hook me up with some of that!

**Godmother Done With That** : You don't want any...

**Godmother Done With That** : I think I'm addicted.

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : All the more reason for me to want it!

**Godmother Done With This** : Cherri, no.

**Godmother Done With This** : We aren't giving you any.

**King Ramses** : You really should have made sure you knew what you were actually giving your girlfriend before letting her drink it.

**Godmother Done With This** : Yeah, I got that.

**Godmother Done With This** : Vaggie, no more of Angel's mom stuff for you.

**Godmother Done With That** : That's probably for the best.


	25. Leave

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Hey, Val.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Valentino.

**Corleone** **Pepperoni** : VALENTINO!

**Mister Val** : WHAT?!

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Is my kid on maternity leave yet?

**Corleone Pepperoni** : He's pregnant again, y'know.

**Mister Val** : Yeah, I know.

**Mister Val** : And no, he isn't on leave until he starts showing.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : That ain't how leave works dumbass!

**Corleone Pepperoni** : You claim that Angel is your most valuable worker, and if that was the case, you would let him take as much time as he needs!

**Corleone Pepperoni** : He can't be your most valuable worker if he can't perform, right?

**Mister Val** : What's your angle here? I thought you and Angel were on the outs.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Maybe on his end, but he's still my son!

**Corleone Pepperoni** : We may not agree on everything, but that don't mean I'm gonna stop caring about him because of it!

**Mister Val** : Aw, how sweet! Fatherly love!

**Mister Val** : Ugh, fine, I'll put him on leave.

**Mister Val** : But if I hear word of you trying to convince him to get outta his contract, I ain't gonna let you live to see another day in Hell. Capiche?

**Corleone Pepperoni** : It's "capisci," you disgusting roach man.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : But regardless, I understand.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : We're both men of our word, I presume. You let my son rest, and I show my love in bits and pieces without convincing him to shirk out of his contract.

**Mister Val** : Pleasure doing business with you, mafia man.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Go get stabbed by an angel weapon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet ya didn't expect that, huh? Henroin being a good dad for once? Well, don't get too excited. No good deed goes unpunished, and every good deed has a motive behind it.


	26. Clothes

**Pimped Up Crib** : Hey Charles? Think you could help me and Al shop for baby clothes tomorrow?

**Godmother Done With This** : Sure! What time?

**Pimped Up Crib** : Sometime around noon. That's when Al and I are both free.

**Godmother Done With This** : Alright, do you have any sort of style in mind?

**Pimped Up Crib** : Style?

**Godmother Done With This** : Uh, yeah? Baby clothes have styles.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Seriously?! I thought they were just onesies with baby ducks on them!

**Pimped Up Crib** : Now you're telling me that they have fashion for babies?!

**Godmother Done With This** : Yep!

**Godmother Done With This** : And don't forget that you're going to need to buy two of everything since you're pregnant again! :D

**Pimped Up Crib** : Three...

**Godmother Done With This** : Huh?

**Pimped Up Crib** : Three of everything...

**Godmother Done With This** : Angel, I'm pretty sure we both know you can count.

**Godmother Done With This** : The only reason you'd be buying three of everything is if you were having...

**Godmother Done With This** : Having...

**Godmother Done With This** : No.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Yeah...

**Godmother Done With This** : Does Alastor know?

**Pimped Up Crib** : He was the first one I told.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Passed out the second I told him.

**Godmother Done With This** : I don't believe this.

**Godmother Done With This** : You're having TWINS!

**Godmother Done With This** : I don't know if I should be proud or concerned.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Funnily enough, that's exactly what Al said.

**Godmother Done With This** : Goodness gracious pickles...

**Godmother Done With This** : I'm going to be a godmother to THREE DEMON CHILDREN.

**Godmother Done With This** : Mom would be proud.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Want me to add her?

**Godmother Done With This** : Not right now. I'm still processing this whole situation.

**Godmother Done With This** : Let's just... wait for a bit.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Okay.

**Pimped Up Crib** : You aren't mad at me, are you?

**Godmother Done With This** : In all honesty?

**Godmother Done With This** : Not one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. Need. Baby. Names.
> 
> I haven't decided the genders right yet, so just offer some gender neutral names for now, please.


	27. Tic Tac

**Baby Maker** : Angel! Darling! I just discovered this interesting new phone application!

**Pimped Up Crib** : Uh... okay?

**Pimped Up Crib** : What is it?

**Baby Maker** : Well, your friend Cherri showed it to me, and she called it... what was it?

**Baby Maker** : I think it was something along the lines of Tic Tac.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Dear Satan

**Pimped Up Crib** : Al, tell me you didn't download that app!

**Baby Maker** : But Cherri informed me that it would better help me understand mainstream media.

**Baby Maker** : And the best part is that not everything is all show!

**Baby Maker** : There are areas where the visuals are just an add on!

**Baby Maker** : There are mysteries on Tic Tac!

**Godfather Drinker** : This is the best day of my life.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Anthony, I can't believe THIS is the man you decided to marry and have children with.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Overlord and cannibalistic murderer my ass.

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : Angel. Why didn't you tell us that your husband's tail legit WAGS when he gets excited?

**King Ramses** : BLACKMAIL!

**Mr. Val** : You ain't kiddin'!

**Uncle Don** : This is the most chaotic family I have ever met.

**Uncle Don** : And I come from a chaotic family.

**Aunt Monroe** : I can back that up.

**Aunt Monroe** : He does indeed come from a chaotic family.

**Godfather Drinker** : Well now you belong to TWO chaotic families.

**Godmother Tinker** : Double trouble!

**Aunt Monroe** : I love our two chaotic families.

**King Ramses** : You don't know chaos yet, my dear.

**King Ramses** : Just wait until Thanksgiving!

**King Ramses** : THE TURKEY SHALL BE REPLACED WITH A DEMON FROM THE GLUTTONY CIRCUIT!

**Godmother Done With This** : DAD NO!

**Mr. Val** : LUCIFER YES!

**King Ramses** : THANKSGIVING WILL BE REMEMBERED FOREVER!

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : I love how everyone started screaming after Lucifer.

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : It's dumb but also really funny.

**Godmother Tinker** : Speaking of which, what have Angel and Alastor been doing?

**Pimped Up Crib** : I destroyed Al's phone.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Now he won't stop bleating at me.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Help

**Pimped Up Crib** : Me

**Pimped Up Crib** : Please

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : No

**Godmother Done With That** : We

**Uncle Don** : Will

**King** **Ramses** : Not

**Pimped Up Crib** : He won't stop trying to steal my phone!

**Pimped Up Crib** : I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW CHERRI BOMB!

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : Uh-huh. Cool.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Hold on, who the fuck is looking after your kids right now.

**Godmother Done With This** : . . .

**Godmother Done With That** : . . .

**Godfather Drinker** : . . .

**Godmother Tinker** : . . .

**Pimped Up Crib** : . . .

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : Y'all are awful parents/godfathers/godmothers right now.

**King Ramses** : Yes they are.

**Mr. Val** : I doubt you were any better.

**King Ramses** : Oh, I wasn't.

**King Ramses** : I just enjoy pointing out and laughing at the faults of others.

**King Ramses** : This IS Hell after all!

**Pimped Up Crib** : Good news! Angel gave me his phone!

**Pimped Up Crib** : Now I can return to my mysteries!

**Godmother Done With That** : Alright, that's it. I'm taking the phone from him.

**Pimped Up Crib** : NO! NO ONE SHALL TAKE MY MYSTERIES FROM ME!

**Reckless Godmother Woman** : I will never regret this decision.

**Uncle Don** : I hope you don't.

**Aunt Monroe** : Same here.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : I fear for my grandchildren's lives right now.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : They have a child and a trained mafia member as parents.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : I genuinely hope they make it to age 10...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, Mr. Deer Man just sittin' there vibin' and listenin' to TikTok mysteries with his lil' tail waggin'. Meanwhile Angel is just double dying of terror and their kids overeating.


	28. My Turn!

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : Angel! Charlie said it's my turn to use the family brain cell!

**Godmother Tinker** : No! I need it more than you! You're just gonna use it to make weapons and kill people!

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : Yeah? Well you'd just use it to try and find more creative ways to clean!

**Godfather Drinker** : Hey! I need it to come up with new drink names!

**Godmother Done With That** : No, I need it to do something productive!

**Uncle Don** : You mean to read those trashy softcore books you like?

**Godmother Done With That** : NO! SHUT UP!

**Aunt Monroe** : Can I use it to help come up with some new dress ideas?

**King Ramses** : With all due respect, Ms. Molly Dust, I do believe that I have more power over the family brain cell than Charlotte.

**Mr. Val** : Okay then, so who's gonna get it?

**King Ramses** : I have no idea. I just wanted to be included in the joint idiocy.

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : I ASKED FIRST! GIVE ME THE BRAIN CELL!

**Godmother Done With That** : NO! DON'T GIVE HER ANYTHING!

**Mr. Val** : How did the family brain cell even end up in Angie's hands anyways?

**Godmother Done With This** : First of all, you're never allowed to use the term "family" when it includes you ever again.

**Mr. Val** : Fair.

**Godmother Done With This** : Secondly, Angel needed it to deal with the fawns while Al was out dealing with some stuff over in his own territory.

**Uncle Don** : Why the fuck does Tony need the family brain cell to look after his kids?

**Godmother Done With That** : Remember when the kitchen caught fire and we found out that the original source of the fire was a bag of popcorn?

**Aunt Monroe** : THE BABIES WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT?!

**Godfather Drinker** : Yep. The little fuckers crawled all the way from their crib in the lobby to the kitchen.

**Godfather Drinker** : Then they assigned each other roles to try and make the popcorn.

**Godmother Tinker** : Everest was supposed to be the one who got the popcorn and turned on the microwave because he's the tallest.

**Godmother Done With This** : Kaine was tasked with being on lookout duty.

**Godmother Done With That** : Stacy sat on the table and watched the timer while Everest joined Kaine on lookout duty.

**Godfather Drinker** : Cue Stacy freaking out because she's smart enough to realize that none of them know how to count and screaming when the microwave burst into flames.

**Godmother Tinker** : It was a bitch to clean up.

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : O shit! Niffty cursed!

**Godfather Drinker** : That's a new one.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Wait, are we really gonna cruise past the fact that these babies, who aren't even a YEAR OLD YET, managed to come up with an elaborate plan with intricate details and specific jobs that succeeded up to a point where a lack of one skill sent everything to the dogs?!

**King Ramses** : I'm with the mob boss on this one.

**King Ramses** : Why are we skimming past that?

**Pimped Up Crib** : Hey guys! Had to deal with a few things involving the kids.

**Pimped Up Crib** : So what are we talkin' about?

**Reckless Godfather Woman** : I WANT THE FAMILY BRAIN CELL!

**Godmother Tinker** : NO! GIVE IT TO ME!

**Godmother Done With This** : CAN WE NOT SOLVE THIS IN A MORE CIVILIZED MANNER?!

**Uncle Don** : Welp, guess we're skimmin' past it then.

**Uncle Don** : Sorry pops.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : I think you should all be afraid of those children...

**Corleone Pepperoni** : I think you should all be VERY AFRAID...


	29. Chapter 29

Alright y'all, I can't believe I actually have to fuckin' say this, but _**PLEASE**_ do not spam my inbox with excessive song lyrics, poems, or anything in general that may initially seem like a huge fuckin' threat, okay?

People who do this will have their comments marked as spam and have further comments deleted, normal or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn it. Why do I have to say this?!


	30. Hydrate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are y'all even reading this anymore? Lol.

**Baby Maker** : Stay hydrated, you assholes.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Yes daddy

 **Corleone Pepperoni** : Motherfucker

 **Corleone Pepperoni** : Why are you like this Anthony?

 **Godfather Drinker** : Not even he knows.

 **Godmother Done With That** : Honestly.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : What are we talking abt?

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Daddy's telling us to stay hydrated

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Doesn't want us going thirsty

 **Uncle Don** : Are you high?

 **Pimped Up Crib** : No

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Just tired

 **King Ramses** : I Bet

 **King Ramses** : Having kids is hard

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Having kids makes Alastor hard

 **Corleone Pepperoni** : I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW THAT!!!!

 **Godfather Drinker** : None of us ever do.

 **Uncle Don** : I still think no brother should see or hear about his sibling's sex life...

 **Aunt Monroe** : Oh please!

 **Aunt Monroe** : We've known about that since we fell down here!

 **Uncle Don** : EXACTLY!

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Staying hydrated for Daddy

 **Corleone Pepperoni** : I am so close to clawing my eyes out.

 **Godmother Tinker** : Just don't look at your phone.

 **Godmother Tinker** : Works every time.

 **King Ramses** : I never try that.

 **King Ramses** : Because I never want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am still taking requests, for those who have given any.


	31. I Don't Have...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one's drunk, I swear.

**King Ramses** : Fettuccini Car-Banana

 **Aunt Monroe** : Merci Goku

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Bone Smack the Teeth

 **Pimped Up Crib** : i dOn'T hAvE a pEEniS!

 **Godfather Drinker** : Wtf are you doing?

 **Godmother Tinker** : Can't you see?

 **Godmother Tinker** : Bone Smack the Teeth!

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : New challenge, say something you don't have.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Angel, you aren't allowed to play it. You already admitted to not having a dick.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Boo!

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Okay, I'll go first!

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : I don't have... a passport.

 **Uncle Don** : None of us do.

 **Uncle Don** : I don't have... a sense of mercy.

 **Aunt Monroe** : That's a lie.

 **Aunt Monroe** : I don't have... too many shoes.

 **Corleone Pepperoni** : Bullshit! I've seen your Sinstagram!

 **Corleone Pepperoni** : I don't have... emotions.

 **Baby Maker** : So we've been told.

 **Baby Maker** : I don't have... peace and quiet.

 **Godmother Done With That** : Ain't our fault.

 **Godmother Done With That** : I don't have... a sense of cool.

 **Godmother Done With This** : True.

 **Godmother Done With This** : I don't have... a pessimistic view on sinners!

 **Mr. Val** : Which is a weakness.

 **Mr. Val** : I don't have... any regrets.

 **Godmother Tinker** : I doubt that.

 **Godmother Tinker** : I don't have... a problem.

 **Godfather Drinker** : Define "problem"

 **Godfather Drinker** : I don't have... time for this.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Then why are you playing?

 **Godfather Drinker** : I dunno.

 **Godfather Drinker** : I just wanted to feel included.


	32. Preg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A request from Raikudo_Okami:
> 
> If you're still taking requests, how about Vaggie and Charlie finding out they have to get ready for their own little one, and Charlie's dads reaction to that?

**Godmother Done With This** : Vaggie, you have an open mind.

 **Godmother Done With That** : Yeah?

 **Godmother Done With This** : And I love you.

 **Godmother Done With This** : I would never cheat on you.

 **Godmother Done With That** : I know.

 **Godmother Done With That** : Why are you telling me this?

 **Godmother Done With This** : Somehow, by some strange miracle... I'm pregnant.

 **Godfather Drinker** : GODDAMN IT!

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Yay! Now my babies will have cousins!

 **Baby Maker** : Yay...

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : And their cousins will have two new trash goblins.

 **Godmother Tinker** : What?

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Nothing.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Now, about that baby situation.

 **King Ramses** : HOW THE FUCK DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN?!

 **King Ramses** : WHO FUCKED MY DAUGHTER AND MADE HER PREGNANT?!

 **King Ramses** : I'LL KILL THEM!

 **Godmother Done With This** : Dad, calm down. Sheesh.

 **King Ramses** : DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! THERE'S A BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER OUT THERE THAT PUT SOME SORT OF HELL SPAWN IN YOUR STOMACH AND I'M GOING TO FIND OUT WHO!

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : He's got a point though.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : I mean, with Angel and Al it makes sense.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : But with Charlie and Vaggie? Somethin' ain't right.

 **Godmother Done With This** : Ah, yes. Because I just magically willed a baby into my uterus.

 **Godmother Done With That** : You can do that?!

 **Godmother Done With This** : Yes...?

 **King Ramses** : Oh yeah! I forgot about that.

 **King Ramses** : Proceed with your dead lives, then.

 **Godfather Drinker** : I'm too sober for this.

 **Godmother Done With That** : I'm too confused for this.

 **Baby Maker** : I'm too father for this.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : I'm too mother for this.

 **Godmother Done With This** : I'm too pregnant for this.


	33. >:/

**Pimped Up Crib** : 🦌 >:/

 **Godmother Tinker** : ?

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 🕷🥵 ➡️ 🦌😒

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 🥺

 **Godmother Tinker** : 😯

 **Godmother Tinker** : 😠

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : 😘👬 ➡️ 🥴?

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 🤔

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 🦌💔🕷 ➡️ 🦌🕷😢

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 👎

 **Godmother Tinker** : 🥳?

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 👍👍👍👍👍

 **Godmother Done With This** : 👎

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 🙏

 **Godmother Done With That** : 👎

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 🐷🐾?

 **Godmother Done With That** : 🕷👀🏃‍♂️🥳

 **Godmother Done With That** : 👎

 **Uncle Don** : 🕴🕷😒 ➡️ 🕷🥳?

 **Aunt Monroe** : 👆

 **Godmother Done With This** : 🤔

 **Godmother Done With This** : 👍

 **Godmother Done With That** : 😑

 **Godmother Done With That** : 🙄

 **Godmother Done With That** : 👍

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 😁

 **Pimped Up Crib** : ❤❤❤❤

 **King Ramses** : 🤴 ➡️ 🕷🥳?

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 👌

 **Godmother Tinker** : 🥺 ➡️ 🕷🥳?

 **Pimped Up Crib** : 👍

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : 🤪🥳💣

 **Godmother Done With That** : 😑

 **Godfather Drinker** : WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

 **Baby Maker** : I DON'T KNOW BUT I'M SCARED!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to whoever can understand what's going on.


	34. Last Time, I Swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news just won't stop comin'

**Pimped Up Crib** : ok... so... uh...

**Uncle Don** : I don't like that. What did you do Anthony?

**Pimped Up Crib** : so, y'know how people have sex for kids? but then they don't and kids happen anyways?

**Godmother Done With That** : I swear to Charlie's dad, Angel if you're pregnant again...

**Baby Maker** : With twins...

**Pimped Up Crib** : and its crazy y'all. so crazy

**Baby Maker** : So crazy.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : I'm gonna come over there and beat both your asses.

**King Ramses** : Don't! I want them to have more Hell spawn!

**Godmother Done With That** : Why? It isn't like you're the one who has to deal with them!

**King Ramses** : Exactly!

**Uncle Don** : I'm gonna come over there and neuter that son of a bitch radio demon.

**Uncle Don** : With a magic spell.

**Baby Maker** : Don't even try. You wouldn't be able to get close enough.

**Baby Maker** : At all.

**Baby Maker** : I'm gonna go make love to Angel again.

**Pimped Up Crib** : so much love.

**Baby Maker** : So much love.

**Aunt Monroe** : Y'all are gross sometimes. Y'know that?

**Pimped Up Crib** : yea, we know. but we still gonna get it on.

**Baby Maker** : Don't bother us.

**Baby Maker** : Three hours tops.

**Uncle Don** : I'm gonna go bleach my eyes.

**Godmother Done With That** : Same.

**Corleone Pepperoni** : Same.

**King Ramses** : Not me.

**King Ramses** : This is the most fun I've had in centuries.

**King Ramses** : And it just keeps getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Angel's pregnant again. No, this is not how the actual conversation between the family went down. I just wanted humor. And a bit of practice after such a long break.


	35. Puzzys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blame Key and Peele for this.

**Pimped Up Crib** : Cha-cha, I made up my mind

 **Godmother Done With This** : About?

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Goin to Heaven

 **Pimped Up Crib** : I dont wanna

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Heaven is for puzzys

 **King Ramses** : You're damn right it is!

 **King Ramses** : For worthless goody two shoes!

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Repeat after me if you agree: Heaven. Is. For. Puzzys.

 **King Ramses** : Heaven. Is. For. Puzzys.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Heaven. Is. For. Puzzys.

 **Uncle Don** : Heaven. Is. For. Puzzys.

 **Corleone Pepperoni** : Heaven. Is. For. Puzzys.

 **Mr. Val** : Heaven. Is. For. Puzzys.

 **Baby Maker** : Heaven. Is. For. Puzzys.

 **Godfather Drinker** : Heaven. Is. For. Puzzys.

 **Godmother Tinker** : Heaven. Is. For. Puzzys.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.


	36. Taste

**Pimped Up Crib** : whoever here has tried to give themselves a blow job say aye. I wanna prove somethin to al.

 **King Ramses** : Aye.

 **Godfather Drinker** : Aye.

 **Godmother Tinker** : Aye.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Aye.

 **Uncle Don** : Aye.

 **Godmother Done With This** : Aye.

 **Godmother Done With That** : CHARLIE?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

 **Godmother Done With This** : I was curious and wanted to know if I was flexible enough to do it! Don't judge me!

 **King** **Ramses** : Huh, why does that not surprise me?

 **Godfather Drinker** : Because you've seen it all.

 **King Ramses** : No, I DID. Up until I learned this about Charlotte.

 **Uncle Don** : Well at least I'm not the only one here who's tried to suck themselves off.

 **Godfather Drinker** : I was drunk.

 **Godmother Tinker** : I was just curious. Wondered if I would taste good.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : I bet I taste like mangoes.

 **Godmother Tinker** : I could come over and help you find out.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Cool! I can return the favor!

 **Pimped Up Crib** : please don't do that. either of you.

 **Godmother Done With This** : I wanna find out what I taste like...

 **Godmother Done With This** : Vaggie, can you help me find out?

 **Godmother Done With That** : Holy shit.

 **Uncle Don** : I'm gonna hire a stripper to tell me.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : please don't do that.

 **Uncle Don** : I will.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : please no.

 **Uncle Don** : Yes.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : no.

 **Uncle Don** : Yes.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : no.

 **Uncle Don** : Yes.

 **Uncle Don** : No.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : no. thank you.

 **Uncle Don** : DAMN IT!

 **Godfather Drinker** : Hehe

 **King Ramses** : I love this family.

 **King Ramses** : I really do.


	37. Hmm...

**Godmother Done With This** : There's only one thing worse than a rapist.

 **Mr. Val** : A child.

 **Godmother Done With This** : No.

 **Godfather Drinker** : You got somethin' against kids?

 **Godfather Drinker** : I'll come fight you.

 **King Ramses** : You'd never win.

 **Baby Maker** : I have three children and two on the way.

 **Baby Maker** : I can concur that children are the worst.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : ALASTOR!

 **Baby Maker** : Remedy; children that aren't ours.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Nice.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Ya damn right!

 **Pimped Up Crib** : I was bout to throw down!

 **King Ramses** : You should threaten to go down.

 **King Ramses** : On Alastor.

 **King Ramses** : And let me watch.

 **Godmother Done With This** : Dad...

 **Baby Maker** : I wouldn't be opposed to that.

 **Pimped Up Crib** : Ya just sayin that cause ya haven't got none in months.

 **Mr. Val** : Mhm.

 **Godmother Tinker** : Let me record.

 **Godmother Tinker** : For research purposes.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : You mean so you can have free porn.

 **Reckless Godfather Woman** : Ya nasty voyeur.

 **Godmother Done With This** : Seriously Niffty. You need help.

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Godmother Tinker** 's Name To: **Nasty Voyeur** ]_

**Nasty Voyeur** : Alright, I guess I deserve that.

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **King Ramses** 's Name To: **Royal Voyeur** ]_

**Royal Voyeur** : Fuck yeah~

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed **Baby Maker** 's Name To: **Give Me Puss** ]_

**Give Me Puss** : -_-

_[Admin **Pimped Up Crib** Has Changed Their Name To: **I Got Puss** ]_

**I Got Puss** : Hehe.

 **Godfather Drinker** : You're all insane.

 **Royal Voyeur** : Yes we are, Husker.

 **Royal Voyeur** : Yes we are.


End file.
